1. Tell your wife she’s beautiful.
2. Cook her favorite meal and serve it by candlelight.
3. Go for a walk together.
4. Hold her hand while taking that walk.
5. Look through a family photo album together.
6. Schedule a regular date night at least every other week.
7. Tell your wife how she has changed your life for the better.
8. Surprise your wife with a lunch together on her work day.
9. Apologize for something you did wrong, and work to not let it happen again.
10. Hug your wife from behind while she’s doing something like cooking or brushing her teeth.
11. Pray together.
12. Snuggle with her during a romantic movie.
13. Do a household chore that she hate to do.
14. Go for a bike ride together.
15. Caress her face while telling her you love her.
16. Write her a love letter and leave it where she will find it.
17. Have flowers delivered to your wife at work.
18. Next time she is in the shower, heat a towel for her in the dryer.
19. Play a board game together.
20. Buy her a small gift for no special reason except that you love her.
21. Make her a compilation CD with her favorite music.
22. Make her a bubble bath and wash her hair for her.
23. Buy your wife’s favorite chocolates.
24. Tell her your hopes and dreams.
25. Forgive your wife for something she did wrong, and don’t even mention it.
26. Plan a special date with dinner and dancing.
27. Tell her yes when you want to say no.
28. Take a day off of work and spend it with your wife.
29. Do all her chores for the day. Don’t allow her to do any work.
30. Listen to your wife without giving her advice.
31. Smile more often.
32. Say thank you when she does something for you.
33. Next time you go out together, compliment her looks.
34. Ask her about her hopes and dreams.
35. Go on a picnic that you prepared.
36. Wash dishes together.
37. Watch the children while she goes out with friends.
38. Try something different in the bedroom, or maybe in a different room.
39. Give up something you do alone on the weekends to spend time with your family.
40. Attend church together.
41. Give your wife a foot rub.
42. Always speak of her in a positive way to others.
43. Drop by her work with her favorite Starbuck’s drink or other treat.
44. Serve her breakfast in bed.
45. Compliment her cooking.
46. Take your wife shopping, and don’t complain.
47. Go to a carnival together.
48. Take a cooking class together.
49. Clean and organize the laundry room, pantry, closet or some other cluttered area.
50. Call her at an unusual time just to say you love her.
51. Tell her what a wonderful mother she is, and give examples.
52. Give her a card (the Hallmark type) of support before or after a particularly stressful day.
53. Leave a note on the refrigerator, phone, or car windshield telling her how special she is.
54. Leave Hershey Kisses all around the house just for her.
55. Thank her for doing the laundry (or other important task around the home).
56. Clean her car inside and out and make it smell nice.
57. Ask how her day was, and listen.
58. Make her a special sack lunch for work.
59. Read jokes together.
60. Give your wife a back rub, or better yet, a 30 minutes full-body massage.
61. Ask her what makes her feel special, and do it.
62. Prepare in indoor picnic next to a warm fire.
63. Let her be in charge of the TV remote.
64. Fix something around the house that you know bothers her.
65. Let her sleep late on the weekend.
66. Don’t tease her about her shortcomings.
67. Exercise to keep yourself in shape.
68. Take an interest in her hobbies.
69. Write a love story about how you met your wife and give it to her.
70. Go swimming together late at night.
71. Put your hand on her leg when driving in the car.
72. Give her a day at the spa while you take care of things at home.
73. Start a jigsaw puzzle together.
74. Read poetry to her at night.
75. Whisper something romantic to your wife when out in a crowd.
76. Make cookies together.
77. Recreate your first date.
78. Buy a kite and fly it together.
79. Take a shower or bath together.
80. Brush her hair.
81. Make a list of memories you have together and share them with her.
82. Take a weekend road trip together with no plans.
83. Double date with some good friends.
84. Go to a secluded park, lie on a blanket and watch the stars together.
85. Flirt with her in public.
86. Eat out at a fondue restaurant. Ask for a quiet, secluded table.
87. Don’t try to teach her something without her permission.
88. Turn off the TV and do something together.
89. Ask her to share a fantasy and make it come true.
90. Spend the first 15 minutes after work focused fully on your wife.
91. Learn to say I’m sorry, thank you and I love you.
92. Send her a romantic text message.
93. Sit down together to pay the bills.
94. Give her your full attention when talking.
95. Look through your wife’s school yearbook together.
96. Put on some music and slow dance in the living room.
97. Compliment her in front of friends.
98. Celebrate your wife’s achievements together.

So take the time to do just one of these today. Then print out this list as a reminder of things you can do to improve your marriage. And don’t forget to add your own ideas.

[PhotoCredit:SeanMcGrath]

Oscar Wilde said, “Never ascribe to malice that which can be adequately explained by ignorance.” It is much better to assume the person didn’t know better and simply needs to correct their actions. This remove personalities from the equation and reduce the chance for debate. The discussion can now focus on the person’s behavior, and not your interpretation of their thoughts and motives. But when you label a person’s intentions, you’ve started down a much more personal path.

Taking this approach will also do wonders for your own state of mind. I have done this with a close friend who is lacking in social skills. She occasionally says things that are hurtful or offensive without considering the feelings of the other person. It would be easy to assume she is deliberately hateful, but I choose to see things differently. I assume she is simply unskilled in the art of human relationships. Don’t misunderstand me; I’m not suggesting that you ignore or tolerate the distasteful behaviors of others. I am only recommending a different tact for addressing those offenses.

This practice has broader application to situations beyond your friends and family. What is your response when someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you label them a jerk who deliberately drives as if the road is their own? Have you ever cut someone off unintentionally? Let’s just assume they are an inattentive driver. It’s not an excuse, but it eliminates the feeling that their behavior was deliberate and personally offensive. And how do you react when someone makes a prejudiced comment about another person due to race or religion? Instead of labeling the person a racist or bigot, consider them ignorant.

Consider my own situation when I started a new job years ago. I was working with several individuals who had developmental disabilities, but was using words like “handicapped person” when speaking of their disability. My coworkers could have assumed I cared more about the disability than the individual, but instead they considered me ignorant. They took to time to explain why such terms add to misunderstandings about persons with disabilities and introduced me to “People First” language (PDF).

So it’s time to give this a try. For two weeks, stop labeling the intentions of the person and only consider the appropriateness of the behavior. See if this doesn’t give you a bit more hope in others and reduce the conflicts you encounter. Make a effort to follow this principle and see what a difference it makes.

[PhotoCredit:B_D_Solis ]

Keats relationship with Brawne was kept mostly private given the scandalous inquiries of Victorian society. They secretly became engaged, but did not marry before Keat, suffering from Tuberculosis, moved to Rome on the advice of his doctors. There he died at the age of 25. It is said that he was buried with a letter from Fanny Brawne laid close to his heart.

During their two years together and while he was in Italy, Keats wrote dozens of letters to Brawne. These love letters expressed the deepest emotions of Keats desire. In 1820, a year before his death, he wrote…

My Dearest Girl,

I have been a walk this morning with a book in my hand, but as usual I have been occupied with nothing but you: I wish I could say in an agreeable manner. I am tormented day and night. They talk of my going to Italy. ‘Tis certain I shall never recover if I am to be so long separate from you: yet with all this devotion to you I cannot persuade myself into any confidence of you….

You are to me an object intensely desirable — the air I breathe in a room empty of you in unhealthy. I am not the same to you — no — you can wait — you have a thousand activities — you can be happy without me. Any party, anything to fill up the day has been enough.

How have you pass’d this month? Who have you smil’d with? All this may seem savage in me. You do no feel as I do — you do not know what it is to love — one day you may — your time is not come….

I cannot live without you, and not only you but chaste you; virtuous you. The Sun rises and sets, the day passes, and you follow the bent of your inclination to a certain extent — you have no conception of the quantity of miserable feeling that passes through me in a day — Be serious! Love is not a plaything — and again do not write unless you can do it with a crystal conscience. I would sooner die for want of you than —

Yours for ever
J. Keats

The love letter is commonly viewed as the product of adolescence affection. But putting to paper the feelings we have for our spouse or companion should not be give such little value. A simple meaningful letter can open up a deeper understanding and commitment between two lovers. Ronald Reagan wrote numerous affectionate letter to Nancy, even late in his life.

Take some time to tell your love how much they mean to you in a simple letter. You don’t have to possess the talent of John Keats to say “I love you” in a meaningful way. Just share from the heart. There is something amazingly special about putting on paper the words that express your love for someone.

[PhotoCredit:EndangeredAngel]

It concerns me when we are told through the media and society that love is about the pounding of the heart when you see someone for the first time. Love is much more than an primal reaction to a sexual stimulus. That, my friends, is lust. Not that our God-given sexual desire is bad, but it’s not love.

Love is something that is nurtured and grows between two people who care for the wellbeing of each other. We choice to love just as we choice not to love. Love is also making ourselves vulnerable to the fact that we may not receive love in return. But love is not about receiving; love is about giving.

I love my wife and my family deeply. That love is not always strongly felt; but that feeling of love is in direct proportion to what I have invested. The more I give of myself, the more I am loved in return.

We need to let go of this crazy notion that love is a chemical reaction sparked by a chance encounter. Love is a choice; the giving of ourselves.

But life is not over and the journey is still underway. I am at a point in my life where I need to revisit the goals that I have set, consider some new paths and set new targets for myself.

Over the years I have come to believe that our lives can be summed up in Seven Actions: love, play, live, seek, learn, invest, and work. Everything we do falls into one of these Seven Actions. By seeking to understand these actions, what they mean, and how we can use them to improve ourselves, we begin to take control of our lives. And when we are in control, we can choose our own path, create our own happiness and determine our own future.

So, I’ve set some new goals for my life. I’ve organized them by the Seven Actions. During the next year I will be talking about these goals, and the progress I am making. I will share with you what works and what doesn’t.

But this blog is not just about me. This blog is about change; and it’s about you. It is about using each of the Seven Actions to better our lives and become what we most want for ourselves. I hope you will visit often.

What you can expect:

• Regular posts and articles about using the Seven Actions to change your life.
• News and information about real ways to reach your goals.
• Tips, tools and resources that will improve your life at work, home and in the community.
• Encouragement from others who are changing their lives.

What you won’t get:

• A lot of fluffy words about change with no help with no real answers.
• Paid posts that promote a product or service without real experience that it works.
• Answers from a guru who knows everything and has life all figured out. (This is just one way of looking at life, and by no means the answer to everything.)