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Witty, Sometimes Cynical, Quotes about Life

Most quotes about life are upbeat and encouraging. Sometimes we need a different perspective. These quotes reflect some of life’s frustrations and challenges. I hope you enjoy the humor as much as I do.

Penn and Teller“He’s turned his life around. He used to be miserable and depressed, now he’s depressed and miserable.” – David Frost

“Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.” – Anonymous

“Life is wasted on the living.” – Douglas Adams

“Life is like playing the violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes along.” – Samuel Butler

“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.” – Winston Churchill

“In spite of the cost of living, it’s still popular.” – Kathy Norris

“Live every day as if it were your last, and then someday you’ll be right.” – Anonymous

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” – Groucho Marx

“Life is a sexually transmitted disease.” – Anonymous

“Life is one long process of getting tired.” – Samuel Butler

“It’s not true that life is one damn thing after another – it’s one damn thing over and over.” – Edna St. Vincent Millay

“Not only is life a bitch, but she’s always having puppies.” – Anonymous

“The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.” – Woody Allen

“If I knew I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” – Mickey Mantle

“Life is like a dog-sled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.” – Lewis Grizzard

“The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.” – Clarence Darrow

“He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.” – Joseph Heller

“Death is nature’s way of saying, ‘Your table’s ready.'” – Robin Williams

“Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? Because we are not the person involved.” – Mark Twain

“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.” – Rita Rudner

“People find life entirely too time-consuming.” – Stanislaw J. Lec

“I think it’s better to not have been born at all. But how many people do you meet in a lifetime who were that lucky?” – Yiddish Saying

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra

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